When The Rug Gets Ripped Out From Underneath You

The thought of getting pregnant and carrying a child full term seems so easy. Until it’s not. So many people do it. All the time. Every day. I can too right?

See the thing is, when you have an issue conceiving, you get to learn wayyyyy too much about the reproductive process. The very small amount of time you have to fertilize an egg. Not every sperm is good enough. Not every egg is mature enough. Just because an ovulation stick says you ovulated, doesn’t mean an egg was actually released. The miracle it is for an egg to fertilize and make it as a blastocyst. The pure gratitude you feel when an embryo implants and you finally see those two pink lines.

But it doesn’t stop there. The breath that’s taken out of you when you go for your first appointment to see a beating heart. Is it too fast? Is it not fast enough? Did we inject enough progesterone? Too much? Did the estrogen patches work? Should I do estrogen pills, shots, patches, or vaginal suppositories?

Oh but it keeps going. You see your OB for the first time since you graduated your fertility clinic. You feel like you might pass out from anxiety waiting in a cold room for an ultrasound to confirm if baby is still growing or not. Do I have another subchorionic hematoma? Why am I bleeding again?

Googling every.single.ingredient in a normal meal you eat all the time to make sure it’s safe for pregnancy. Wondering if the cramping is normal or if you need to go to the ER. What about the back pain? Being nauseated is great but I wish I could get relief. Now that I have relief, does this mean I lost the baby since I don’t feel nauseated any more? Is this bath water too hot? Should I even be soaking in this at all?

I need to plan a beach trip but I’ll be xx weeks pregnant at that time which is around when I lost a baby before. I should probably just cancel the trip just in case it happens again.

You literally overthink everything. Time goes by so slow. Will you make it to the next milestone or will the rug be ripped out from underneath you again?