Let’s talk more about our surrogacy journey to get where we are today!
As you all know, we have a surrogate! A sweet, selfless soul (we call her Samantha here on the blog until we are ready to publicly announce) who has been absolutely amazing through this very long process.
We “matched” with S in July 2023 (wow can’t believe it’s been a year!) and very quickly began the process. There are many clearances to get through including medical, legal, and psych, along with choosing medical insurance and life insurance. First things first, medical clearance.
S made an appointment with my fertility doctor for a physical exam. Basically checking labs, uterus, tubes, etc. just to make sure everything looks good. From Dr. H’s perspective, everything looked great so she just needed clearance from S’s ob/gyn for pregnancy. Little did I know how hard this one would be but I’ll go into more detail on that later.
Dr. H referred both couples to a psychologist for psych clearance so we can prove we have realistic expectations for surrogacy and are mentally ready for it. We were both cleared rather quickly – yay for being sane! Psych clearance, check!
Legal was next because I assumed this would take the longest. I went with a highly recommended attorney in the DFW area and our GC chose hers who also specialized in fertility/adoption law. She and I met up, prior to our meetings with our individual attorneys, to discuss every little detail. This is a 50-60 page legal contract and includes information on transfer, financials, custody if something happens to IP’s (intended parents aka Jason and me), who can name the baby, travel/dietary restrictions, and SO many other little details. If you thought you signed your life away buying a house, imagine signing a contract for someone else to carry your baby, lol
Believe it or not, legal actually went really smooth and super fast! Because we have been very open and honest about our opinions and feelings, we were able to talk through every option and scenario possible! Legal contracts signed, check! Next up, insurance options.
You see, most insurance companies in the US do not cover fertility treatments at all nor a surrogate pregnancy until 10-12 weeks.
We hired a third-party to review S’s insurance to see if it was surrogacy-friendly which, of course, it wasn’t so we had to look into individual insurance plans. Surrogacy friendly just means that, even though pregnancy is pregnancy and insurance should cover all associated costs, if your insurance isn’t surro-friendly, they will deny all claims associated with pregnancy. I don’t know if y’all have ever looked at cash-pay pregnancy and potentially cash-pay C-sections, but it ain’t cheap!
So, we chose a plan. Check! Next up, life insurance. I won’t go into too many details on this one but we opted for a life insurance policy with a loss of organ rider.
Life insurance, check! Everything was complete but medical. Medical was the thing I assumed would go the smoothest. God has such a sense of humor but I’m beginning to think nothing is funny anymore. You know those people you just can’t joke with? Yeah, I’m now that person in this specific situation.
You see, when S went to her ob/gyn for her updated annual exam, her PAP smear came back abnormal. Okay, no big deal we can repeat it. Her doctor started her on 10 days of antibiotics and recheck in 2 months. Sitting around waiting is the WORST but we can do this! Two months go by super fast and time for recheck. Again, abnormal. More antibiotics and recheck.
Two more months go by but again abnormal. Same regimen, 10-day round of antibiotics and a recheck in 2 months. We discussed changing doctors for a second opinion but we were really in it at this point. She’s comfortable with her doctor so let’s try once more.
Two months go by and again, abnormal. This time her doctor wanted to do 10 days of antibiotics and see her back in THREE MONTHS. WHAT? I know I’m not in the medical field but this seemed insane to me. It’s now been 6 months of abnormal results and antibiotics that clearly aren’t working. Isn’t that the actual definition of insanity? Repeating the same thing over and over expecting different results? Why are we waiting months to recheck? Shouldn’t we do something sooner to even see if the medicine is working? That way, if it isn’t, we can try something different?
Again, S and I discussed and decided it was time to get a second opinion. She ended up going to see my ob/gyn (which, weird story, she was the one who did my first d&c when I found out we lost Rio at 12+ weeks). Dr. P looked at everything and came up with a plan. If it’s abnormal again, antibiotics and a recheck in 3 weeks. Finally, a plan that made sense and without a 2-3 month wait.
I’ll never forget this moment. We were all at a country concert for ACM week at The Star in Frisco. All of a sudden, S nearly tackled me and was just squeezing me! I kept asking WHAT IS IT and she just kept squeezing. She showed me her phone and all I saw was green. Everything was normal. The last thing we were waiting on is good to go! I had tears in my eyes and couldn’t even speak.
S called Jason over as he was mid-lifting a beer up to drink it. I said “WE ARE CLEAR EVERYTHING IS NORMAL” and he started crying. When I say crying, I mean crying. I have chills just thinking about it. He kept saying, “you can’t catch me off guard like that I wasn’t ready!” Y’all, I’ve seen him cry once in our entire relationship and it was the day we went in for the d&c after finding out we lost Rio. With tears in my eyes, I said, “your grandfather will meet her before we will.” So for him to cry at this, it’s a big deal.
S said, “I knew he wanted to be a dad but I had no idea how much until I saw how emotional he got knowing everything was good to go and we are cleared to transfer.”
That’s right. Everything finally lined up. We were clear to transfer.
southernbrunetteish 