Marker Moments

Before getting more into our journey on the infertility rollercoaster, I want to take a post to talk about marker moments. Marker moments are moments in time that as you look back, you remember where you were, what you were doing, and the permanent impact it had on you. They can be positive or negative. These are not exact moments along a journey, but a point where one moment could change everything. 

Obviously, I’ve had a lot of marker moments in my life. Some positive, some negative, but I’m more specifically going to talk about a marker moment that is related to our journey. 

Right after Jason and I got married (and right before we knew Texas was on the table), life caught up to me and I was crippled with anxiety & worry. We had a conversation about having an empowered mindset and wrote what it means on the left side of a chalkboard and our worries/concerns on the right. An empowered mindset is believing your actions make a difference, acting even when scared or uncertain, believing there’s enough to go around, trusting you can create your life through actions, knowing the road is going to be rocky, being patient and consistent, trusting, and fearing regret. 

Side note – as a child, I always wrote out my feelings. I had a Fisher Price chalkboard that Santa brought me one year that I literally wrote on every day. When I was frustrated, mad, got a bad grade, disappointed, happy, whatever the emotion was, I would go write on my chalkboard. Before I could form sentences or even write letters, I would go scribble. So even as a small child, writing was my outlet so it only made sense that this was to be written on a chalkboard. (full circle here)

What was important is what we wrote on the right side of that chalkboard: 

·      We hang out with your friends, my friends, not OUR friends

·      We live in YOUR house, not ours

·      I want to be close to our neighbors

·      We never do anything fun

·      Mississippi is all I know

·      We go to YOUR church, not ours

·      We live in YOUR town, not ours

·      I wish we were closer 

We wanted to get out of a “weak” or negative mindset and turn those thoughts into those of an empowered mindset. God really does have a sense of humor because looking back on those things we wrote, I realized moving out of our small town in Mississippi forced us to get out of our comfort zone and check off every single thing on that list. 

·      We now have our friends. Moving to a place where you don’t know anyone makes you get out of your comfort zone to meet people. Now it has taken us almost a full 3 years to have QUALITY friends – but we now have our people – Not just mine. Not just Jason’s. But ours. 

·      We now have OUR house. Both of our names are on the mortgage. We both work really hard in our jobs to live in a beautiful house in one of the best neighborhoods. 

·      We love our cul de sac and our neighbors. I finally have the relationship with my neighbors where if I need milk (thanks Colleen!) or baking soda (thanks Jo), I have those neighbors I can depend on! 

·      Boy oh boy if I know anything, it’s that the Dallas area is full of FUN! So much to do, so many places to eat, so many museums, you name it, we now have it! 

·      Mississippi isn’t all that’s out there for me anymore! Texas has been wonderful. I still love MS and the people that come with it but Texas has been so fun to explore. 

·      We are still searching for our church but it won’t be one that only I’m a member or Jason is a member. We can BOTH visit churches to find what works for US and become members together. 

·      We have our town now. I didn’t go to high school here, he didn’t date the mayor’s daughter here (not that he ever did this at home either but ya know, small town stuff). 

·      Jason and I are closer than we’ve ever been. Infertility will do that to you. It will either tear your marriage/relationship apart or force you to talk about your feelings and work through it. So thankful that Jason is always the person to want to talk about conflict and resolve it, rather than let it build on itself. 

Remember the end of the last post, I said “Life often only makes sense in reverse but it’s meant to be lived moving forward.” Looking back, going through the move to Texas (although it did a number on my anxiety) was exactly what we needed, even though it was tough on us both to leave family and close friends. You see, those close friends now mean more to us than they ever have. We cherish every moment with family now and don’t take that lunch or quick weekend trip for granted. Distance will show you who the people in your life are that matter most. It will change the way you view relationships, but in such a positive way. The move allowed us to live out the positive empowerment and is now what we go back to when we are unsure about something. 

I know this post wasn’t specifically about our journey with infertility (more coming on that soon, I promise) but it is an important part of our story. We don’t have all the answers but some necessary tools we can rely on that allow us to have an empowered mindset as we try to focus on living in the present. I was able to lean into the anxiety/struggle and develop new skills while working through it. But little did I know, this was preparing me to be more equipped in dealing with the emotions, anxiety, worry, and fear that come along with infertility.