Taboo Topic | Infertility

Infertility. Such a taboo word. But why is that? Am I ashamed that my body isn’t doing what a woman’s body was intended to do? Have I done something in the past that I am now being punished for? Did the words that somebody spoke against me actually come true?

I know I shouldn’t be ashamed and I know I’m not being punished. I can’t lie and say I’ve never felt both of these along the way though. And probably multiple times. But infertility does this to people. It makes you feel unworthy – am I not worth enough to be a mother? It makes you feel like a failure. I haven’t been able to give Jason a child so does this make me a failure as a wife? It makes you feel like something is wrong with you. Literally, there is something wrong with my body. 

These are all lies that going through infertility makes you believe. YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. I have to tell myself this and (even moreso) I have to write these down at least once a month to remind myself of it. 

So why don’t we feel more comfortable talking about it? Yes, it’s awkward talking about your reproductive system, sex, and what is/isn’t working. Maybe it’s because even after mentioning it, people who don’t struggle tell you to “just relax, it’ll happen” or “God will give you a baby when the time is right” or my favorite “when you stop trying, you’ll get pregnant. That’s what so-and-so did.” I don’t know what it’ll take for more women to feel comfortable enough to talk about infertility. It took me almost 3 years to openly discuss it so I can’t answer that. I think if people shared their struggle more, it wouldn’t be as taboo to talk about. So next time you have a friend share their story with you, encourage them and celebrate their bravery because it is so scary to be vulnerable and open up your life to people.