Pushed Closer or Pulled Apart

Back to my story – I know several of you have been wondering why I haven’t posted more about “our story” and are waiting to know more about us so here you go!

If you missed it, let’s get you caught up from a previous post here – we got married in April 2017. Began the transition to Texas in February 2018.

So, we get to Texas, try to get somewhat settled in, and have another long discussion about this whole baby thing. Since we were in a new town (totally new state), maybe we should put a baby off another 6 months. We wanted to get used to our town, make friends, find a church, find a job I actually enjoy, etc. so we waited 6 more months.

August 2018 was officially the start of “trying” but the kind of trying where if it happens it happens and “I think I may be ovulating today.” Well, nothing happened. Nothing continued to happen for 6 more months so in February 2019, I went and saw a new ob/gyn. I told her we had been trying since August and no positive pregnancy test. She mentioned that she wouldn’t look into anything until we were actively trying for at least a full year. I thought to myself, okay, not bad but not even simple bloodwork? I’ve already put this off longer than I wanted to (I would’ve had a honeymoon baby if Jason let me). We never received a call for a follow up. Never had questions answered after numerous voicemails and messages I left. I was at a complete loss.

So here I was: 28, married to my best friend, but no children running around making me pull my hair out. Just a lot of anxiety to blame for that. I started using OPK’s (ovulation predictor kits), being super obsessive about tracking my cycle in the Ovia app, taking a good prescription strength prenatal vitamin, tracking basal body temperature, changing my diet, all the things. And still no positive pregnancy test.

What was so hard to understand was that I got high peak results on my OPK’s every month so why was this not working? I had exactly 29-day cycles, the same month after month, so what was wrong? I was so frustrated. I was so sad. I was so disappointed. I planned out my life to have not just one child but THREE by the time I was 30 so in my mind, I was running out of time. (Looking back, I have to giggle at the fact that I “planned” my life to have a certain thing happen by a certain age. I think God is laughing even still today.)

We kept trying, kept tracking, kept praying, and kept hoping. But while during this time we never got a positive pregnancy test, we were closer than I had ever thought we’d be. Infertility will either push you closer or pull you completely apart and I refuse to allow this to crush us.