Hi, my name is Christa, and I can’t have babies.

Whew, it’s been too long! If you’re new here, catch up from previous blog posts on our story here, here, and here! Where did I end the last one? Oh yeah, it’s me! I am the problem. My body, what I was made to do as a woman, is not working. Am I being dramatic? Maybe, I haven’t even seen a doctor yet but if everything is okay with Jason, then it has to be me!

If you know me, you know my anxiety gets the best of me all the time so when I knew that Jason was okay (not that I EVER wanted him to not be okay, just confirming something isn’t right with yourself is scary) my anxiety went nuts. I was scared to see a doctor. I was scared for somebody to look me in the eyes and tell me I wouldn’t be able to have children. But remember back when I talked about an empowered mindset? FEAR isn’t a part of an empowered mindset and as hard as it is to kick it, fear has to go.

In this process, I didn’t really have my “people.” Those people that have been through or are undergoing the same things you are. There are some who try very hard to “get it” but ultimately, will never understand infertility. And I don’t want anyone to HAVE to understand infertility, it’s an awful thing to have to go through but it sure is nice to have that community and people who completely get it.

So let me tell you a little something about my God. December 2020 (6 long months later) I was randomly scrolling through the Nextdoor app which is so weird for me to do because I never, EVER look at it. Jason, however, is another story. He’s always showing me bobcats, free puppies, etc. all the time. Anyways, Nextdoor is a neighborhood app where you can communicate with your neighborhood and surrounding neighborhoods, similar to your neighborhood groups on Facebook. While scrolling, I came across a post from a girl who lives in Celina who was posting about being a leader for a local faith-based fertility support group. She looked super cute/friendly and I needed more friends so I decided to reach out. After her persistence (thank goodness because I kept putting our meeting off), we met for dinner and told our stories. When I sat down with her, after a short 30 minutes, I felt like she could be a part of my life for the long haul. It was the weirdest, but most profound, God thing I’ve felt in a while. Or as Jason would say, “you had me at hello.”

Our first “meeting” was January 2021. When I think of a support group, I picture a bunch of random people sitting in a circle in cold metal chairs crying about going through infertility – kind of like a “hi, my name is Christa, and I can’t have babies.” But it wasn’t – it’s been more like a bible study with a group of girls that are going through similar situations. We share our stories and updates and then have a bible study that we can apply to any situation, but especially infertility.

Anyways, while at our first meeting getting to know everyone, several of the girls were seeing the same doctor at a clinic pretty close to me. They spoke so highly of her so that was the push I needed. It took wayyyy longer than it should have for me to get over the fear and anxiety of going to see a specialist but this is exactly what I needed. I needed a friend to tell me, “This doctor is good, go see her.”

So, in typical Christa fashion, I still put it off but this time, by only a week or so. I called to make an appointment to see a fertility specialist (we’ll call her Dr. H) and it was scheduled for February 25, 2021.